Life and Loss in 2010

It’s been a while since I have written in this. Not because I haven’t had much to say. A lot has been on my mind-perhaps too much to even fully process. I’ve been so consumed with work (which is going wonderfully well) and trying to catch up in life I decided to take a break from publicizing my life on the internet.

60036722_13133474342756878434_131334752166A lot has changed in the past few months. In August, my Grandmother on my Father’s side passed away from pulmonary fibrosis.

While it was “expected” for a few years it was still very difficult to deal with because I live so far away from my family.

Not long after, the day I made the move from Orange County to my new home in Long Beach, my Grandfather on my Father’s side passed away unexpectedly. He was eating a donut – his favorite thing. As bizarre as it is, that gave me extreme comfort.

Grief is very difficult to deal with when you are “alone”, but the more I learn about life, the more I understand that much of life’s tragedies aren’t something that can truly be shared, because we all deal with life’s sadnesses in different ways.

It would have been nice to have a little more support through this time, but another thing I have learned is that I am an incredibly strong woman (yeah I said it) and I can get myself through anything if I put my mind through it.

My Grandparents were amazing people, who both had so much light in their lives and spread it to so many others that I can only use them as an example for myself in life, which is what I have been focusing on. With this, has come some internal peace.

Despite this, this fall/winter has been a lot of taking things in stride, and allowing myself to open my eyes to the way things really are in life. Sometimes we get so stuck in a routine and don’t realize how short life is and how much we take for granted the people in our lives.

I have been trying very hard to make an effort to be good to people and be more positive to those who deserve it in my life, and to be “good to myself” by removing anything/anyone who has been having a less than favorable impact on me. It has been extremely difficult but I know at the end of all of this I am going to come out a stronger person, because I am old enough now to have had enough experiences and times in my life to realize that there will always be light at the end of the tunnel.

If I had to put a label on the year 2010, it would probably be “loss.” Loss of family, loss of friends, and loss of a lot of the person I knew myself to be (or perhaps, expected myself to become). But this isn’t a bad thing necessarily. I know that with all of this loss, something new and exciting is going to unravel even if it takes time.

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