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No More Soliciting – of anything.

Living in the city is exhausting at times. The urban sprawl that is Southern California constantly has something going on, but it often feels as lonely and desolate as the desert. Only I like the desert more.

I wrestle with the desire to leave constantly. Do I really want to spend the rest of my life in the giant sprawling city that is Southern California? Do I want to leave and settle for something simpler and quiet? Oregon, New Hampshire, the Central Coast…someplace with nature and seasons? I’m not entirely sure of what to do.

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When I was a child, I would hole myself up with a book or my headphones for hours and be completely content. It’s probably why I’m so good at piano. It’s a solitary instrument, and I enjoy the time I spend practicing while closing myself off to the outside world.

I constantly miss my walks in the woods in Massachusetts, where the only discussions I had to have were with myself (and the earth). I often dream about hopping on a plane and taking a weekend trip, not telling a soul, and just hiking and breathing in the smell of the composting leaves on the ground, miles away from anyone.

For a while I truly thought my exhaustion was because I am a textbook introvert and there are just too many people here.

Don’t get me wrong. I actually¬† love human interaction. I crave it just like everyone else. I get lonely just as much as anyone else. But my alone time has always been extremely precious to me.

Lately, I just can’t stand the constant overwhelming solicitation.

The mentality of “HEY LOOK AT ME I AM SO MUCH COOLER THAN EVERYONE” and people who are constantly trying to find ways of making other people useful to them. And then there are the people who seem to think that it is their duty in life to tell you how to live yours – without you asking their opinion. These ones are the most irritating to me.

I feel like I can’t leave my house without being advertised to.

A few months ago, when I first moved into my current apartment, I noticed that people write things in the sand just below the cliff in the park near my house.

Once it was “I’M SINGLE.” Another time, it was “YOU ARE AT THE CENTER OF THE EARTH.” But most often, it is “GOD <3s YOU.”

Which irritates me to no end.

The unnecessary stimuli and propaganda that everyone around me seems to feel the need to spew at me. You don’t get that in the forest.

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